Purifying Path

transitioning into the what, the when,
sinking into my uneasiness while traveling in this path,
considering the first law of thermodynamics:
'energy cannot be created nor destroyed, it can only be transformed'

in this transformation,
my doubts swell constantly asking 'what if'
the gap is what makes me uneasy,
but then again, we only get one shot,
we don't get to experiment with multiplicity.

i consider the possibility of being one
with a cloud, or a flower,
or the shining rays of sun cutting
through a rain drop
in the magic cloud forest.

I did not know this was 'the' path
until I was well into it,
the way back is as difficult as the way forward,
so there's no turning back.

this purifying path, does not take away
the stickiness of my humanity,
does not take away the suffering,
does not provide a 'spiritual high',
but succumbs in humility to the ordinary,
the sisterhood, the least common denominator
with my fellow suffering beings.

'a broken heart is an open heart'
i heard someone say...

hypnotic, the trek and the mountains swell my knees,
up, down, winding, unyielding,
sun, rain, mist, creatures,
insects, flowers, calling songs, magic,

-all that seemed glorious the first day came to hurt me next,
and seemed quite a nuisance by the third...

just like life - it was a struggle to see it all new again.

just like life - when it was nearing a close, i did not want it to end.

but the changing thread of events in this fabric
-one woven, another one torn-
are the endless opportunities
given to me in order to grow.


dear God -if you exist-
i shall stop making demands of your proof
i only ask that i be brought down
to understanding who i can be
and i ask that I can believe in me,
give me swords, help me fight my ghosts.

i believe in me, i believe in my power to transform.